Miss Emily Dickinson, etc.

I bought a little collection of Emily Dickinson poems at the bookstore a few doors down from th Broadway Deli last Thursday.  It reminds me of a candy dish.  I like this one:

In the Garden.
A bird came down the walk:
He did not know I saw;
He bit an angle-worn in halves
And ate the fellow, raw.

And then he drank a dew
From a convenient grass,
And then he hopped sidewise to the wall
To let a beetle pass.

He glanced with rapid eyes
That hurried all abroad,–
They looked like frightened beads, I thought;
He stirred his velvet head

Like one in danger, cautious,
I offered him a crumb,
And he unrolled his feathers
And rowed him softer home

Than oars divide the ocean,
Too silver for a seam,
Or butterflies, off banks of noon,
Leap, plashless, as they swim.

And this one:

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

Today was a good day.  My laptop kicked the bucket last night and CET did nothing to help me.  Of course, that lead to my having a panic attack about which job I was going to get after college.  Yesterday started off so well, too… The recessional hymn at Mass was “What Wondrous Love Is This?” and it was incredible.  I’m used to hearing the contemporary guitar evangelical over-emotional version in chapel (sorry, guys), so hearing it sung by a choir over an organ after Mass was simply breathtaking.  Haunting.  And the grass in Maine was so green I wanted to cry.

But anyway, today was good.  I had no laptop to bring to work so I spent most of my time reading Emily Dickinson poetry and people watching.  I love watching people, as creepy as that sounds.  (My favorite song just started playing on Pandora; I had to tell you.)  After work, I went back to CET to try again.  Different guy working.  Took out my hard drive, saved my music, photos, and documents, and then gave me a laptop to use for the week.  Nothing changed between last night and today.  Just a different guy.  Thank you.

Class was fine, no need to talk about it.  (No need to talk about any of this, really.)

I’m not sure yet.

I’ve tried to write a new post a few times, over the course of a couple hours.  I’m just going to write and see where this ends up.

I’m in Maine, again.  Behind me, my family is watching “Where the Wild Things Are” for the first time.  I saw it back in October when Sarah came to visit.  I’m not sure if I like it.  It has “layers,” and I think that’s interesting.  Anyway, I should probably define “layers” here, but I don’t really feel like talking about “Where the Wild Things Are.”

There are so many things I do feel like talking about.  I don’t know where to start.  I don’t think I should be talking about them.

Well I can start by saying this week has been exceptional.  Just the little things.  I kind of want to tell you about everything.  Sometimes I wish there was someone around I could just sit down and talk to forever, about everything.  I don’t mean to sound like I don’t have friends or anything like that.  I have great friends.  But do you know what I mean?  For example, have you ever seen something really beautiful and just wanted to go and tell someone about it?  And then when you do, they just say something like, “Oh, that’s cool.”  It’s such a let down.  I don’t know why… isn’t that the normal response?  What are they supposed to say?  I mean, they haven’t seen it, right?  Sometimes I tell God, because I know He saw it, too.  No, that’s not quite right.  He made it.  Ah, I don’t really know what I’m talking about anymore.  I don’t know who you are; I just want to tell you about everything.

I almost gave up, but I’m going to keep trying to get something out of this.  I feel unresolved.  This isn’t really a bad thing.  So often I feel like I’m exhausting my friends and family by telling them about all of the bad things that are happening or everything that I’m worried about.  That isn’t the case here.  I have good things to report, but it feels so unnatural to talk about them here.

This is a mess.  Maybe I need to buy a journal.

Maybe I’ll try this again later.

Thoughts on Earth Day

This week has been and will continue to be wonderful.  Everything is beautiful.  Everything.

The perfect poem for a day like today:

when faces called flowers float out of the ground
and breathing is wishing and wishing is having-
but keeping is downward and doubting and never
-it’s april(yes,april;my darling)it’s spring!
yes the pretty birds frolic as spry as can fly
yes the little fish gambol as glad as can be
(yes the mountains are dancing together)

when every leaf opens without any sound
and wishing is having and having is giving-
but keeping is doting and nothing and nonsense
-alive;we’re alive,dear:it’s(kiss me now)spring!
now the pretty birds hover so she and so he
now the little fish quiver so you and so i
(now the mountains are dancing, the mountains)

when more than was lost has been found has been found
and having is giving and giving is living-
but keeping is darkness and winter and cringing
-it’s spring(all our night becomes day)o,it’s spring!
all the pretty birds dive to the heart of the sky
all the little fish climb through the mind of the sea
(all the mountains are dancing;are dancing)

-E. E. Cummings

You’ve been so much more than kind.

Love

Love is patient,

love is kind.

It is not jealous,

it is not pompous,

it is not inflated,
it is not rude,

it does not seek its own interests,

it is not quick-tempered,

it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing

but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things.
Love never fails.

Clair de lune

I want to learn how to play this before I die.  So badly.

Rainy day.

Edit:

Rain, rain, go away
Come again some other day
We want to go outside and play
Come again some other day

April showers bring May flowers.

Paper Heart

Well it’s 1:30am and I’ve just finished watching Paper Heart (2009).  Sigh.  I really didn’t know anything about the film except that I should watch it (a suggestion that made more sense at the time it was suggested, but I digress…).  Anyway, since I didn’t know anything, (except that it was about this wonderful thing called ‘love’) I wasn’t aware of its little twist.  I did call it pretty early on, but then began to question that judgment as the film went on.  I know that makes no sense if you haven’t seen it.

I would definitely recommend seeing it, I think?  Hm… well, if you’re in love, it would probably be a nice choice, especially if you watch it with your significant other.  I absolutely love how the film “When Harry Met Sally” includes interviews with several older couples talking about how they first met.  This film took that idea a bit further, and I just ate it up.  From a film standpoint, well… it certainly was interesting, the whole “hybrid-documentary” idea.  There were a few things I would have done differently.  If you haven’t noticed, it didn’t get great reviews last year when it came out.  I still think it’s worth your time.  It’s cute, and sometimes cute is enough.

I watched it after FINALLY getting around to watching “Stand By Me” (1986).  Yes I’ve never seen it.  Wait, now I have.  It was actually sort of a let down.  I think if I had watched it when I was supposed to watch it (say, 10 years ago), I would have worked a little better.  I think my expectations were just a natural result of hearing “What?! You haven’t seen Stand By Me?” one too many times.  I think this is a phenomenon I will continue to experience as I work my way down the list of must-see film.

So we’re getting dangerously close to 2am, and I’ve got a Mass to catch in the morning.  I’m actually back home, in Maine, again.  Funny how that keeps happening.  Back to Massachusetts after lunch to wrap up the semester.  Toodle pip.

A thousand times yes.